Written September 2010:
"Maximin, Maximin! Are you there? If you are, what about the project?"
Ah, yes, the project. Go to Bulgaria, live in a hija, and write down things. Indeed. I wasn't stupid at the time, so even though quite a few years have passed, it still sounds like a good idea. Yes, such a project. You see, Moraline thinks Europe is boring. Ah, but has he tried Eastern Europe? Well he may say so, but he has only experienced Central Europe. Ah, he might file a semantic restraining order, but I say there's a distinction. Bulgaria was far more wild west than the rest of Europe, and was especially so in 1998. I find it has many things in common with the place he seeks, Central and South America. I may have beat Moraline to it, as I think now. I may have already been there.
But this still doesn't mean that Moraline is living and I am dying. Because Moraline is living and I am dying, even as I may, if my hamstring doesn't snap, break 1:20 in the half marathon. Yes, how can a man die in such health? A man can die when his soul cannot breathe anymore. I have no air left, very little. I am a dead man despite the fact I can, with ease, run one mile in 5 minutes. A man my age. I am not a happy man. I say I sing happiness, but it is short lived. A project makes a happiness last. This is what Moraline has, and a man cannot kill or rob him of it. He is immortal now.
I have never been more happy than I have been in realizing these things. Men live and die. There is much empty space in the lives of many men, but there is plutonium density in the lives of others. Are there few of these men? It depends on the language game. The few men who have lived so many lives, amount to many men. But there are few men who can do this, so there aren't many of them.
"Maximin, are you a fake?"
No, actually, I'm not. I have some notes I have not shared yet:
Barcelona.
Girona
Banyuls de Mer
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There was a lot correct in those decisions made over a decade ago. It is only with what was done after and now this return to health that has clarified the correctness of that time.
ReplyDeleteI cannot comment on which place, E Europe or S America, is a better or purer place or if Hungary was not Eastern enough. Of this I cannot speak. But I may speak of certain health, because it is something I know intimately.
As you imply it is not the health of a man who can run fast against a stopwatch in a race of businessmen who fancy themselves athletes. It is a deeper health that is strengthened when a particular kind of man decides to live according to his genetics and the cultural elements he has decided are significant to him.
Chatwin tried to argue such men take to the road and are nomadic. I don't know. I know the road does something to me and I am most happy for long periods when I am on it. But I am also happy--in a different way--to stop riding and to rest.
But the rest and sitting is in the context of more riding and road. I think that context may be the right one. I know that sitting in a cubicle all day and collecting paychecks is the wrong one.
You do not need money to take to the road. In fact I have too much. I am still living with quite an abundance. I will have to pare it back some more.
New forms of life are possible.